Thursday, March 15, 2012

Where Is Tweenky Dee?

This latest round of attacks on women have been very disheartening. Many of you may have been wondering, "Where is Tweenky Dee? Where are all the videos? The blogs? Where's all that work we've come to expect?" 

I'm still here, of course, but I have nothing to give you right now. The fight has asked more of me than I can give and I need time to recover. You see, I'm a woman too - a woman of childbearing age who has some very high stakes in these battles and I'm losing. Let me explain.

Because of the terrible disease that killed our son in the womb and almost killed me too, I absolutely cannot risk another pregnancy. Doctor's orders - not even one more attempt or I will die. We take responsibility for this by practicing two forms of birth control (the pill and condoms) until I can have the surgery to be sterilized. If the unthinkable should happen and, against all odds, I get pregnant again, then I will be forced to either have an abortion or die.

Now I have men and women in our legislatures demonizing me for the responsible use of birth control and doing everything they can to make sure I can't choose abortion in the worst case scenario. I'm a slut because I don't want to die. I'm a slut who deserves shame and disgrace if I think flushing a fertilized egg out of my system so that I can live is a good idea.

I hear them saying to me, "You're worthless. You deserve to die. You can't make any babies so you might as well be dead."

So here I am being doubly responsible with my birth control, yet if by some miracle I get pregnant, the state thinks I should have to have a transvaginal ultrasound before being denied an abortion to save my life. How do they think I'm going to feel, laid up on that table, feet in cold stirrups, a long wand shoved deep inside me and only so I can see the "heartbeat" and form of the embryo that is going to kill me. Because I'd love nothing more than to see another dead child. Losing the first one was so much fun, I just can't wait to do it again.

That's why I can't fight right now. That's why I'm having to take some time for myself. Because I'm a real woman who hurts. I'm a real woman who is afraid. I'm a real woman who is angry. I'm a mother who has lost her son and now all she hears is, "Try it again, slut. We'll get you next time."

Is this what "compassionate conservatism" looks like? Because if it is, you can shove it up your ass.

11 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry Tweenky. You don't have to fight right now, we will handle this part. I am crying for you and the fact we have to justify our lives.

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  2. I'm so very sorry Tweenky. You take time to heal, there are those of us who will carry the banner and kick ass until you're stronger one day! Anathalee sandlin

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  3. SO sorry for your loss, sister.

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  4. Tweenky, thank you for sharing this heartfelt story. I want to share your link with the world, and especially the world in Alabama politics.

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  5. Sorry, your feeling down. Lately, I've come to feeling overwhelmed with it all myself. Take your time. No worries there are many on our side. I will continue to do what little I can, when I can. We will be here when your ready. Thanks for sharing.
    Melanie Walls

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  6. There's a rally in Big Spring Park on Sunday and when I go I'll be carrying a sign that says "I'm here for Tweenky Dee"

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  7. Back in the 70's I had to fight for 13 years just to get a tubiligation so I could stop taking the high dosage pills available at that time. It was only after I had an abortion (conceived by rape) that I was finally able to convince a doctor that I did not want to give birth. I fear that the current war on women will also take our right to permanent birth control away as well as the other choices.

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  8. I don't mean to be crass, but why can't your partner get a vasectomy.

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  9. I'm leaving a little pile of huggles here in the comments. Come pick one up whenever you need one. We will all continue to fight for you and for all the other women these lawmakers don't care if they hurt.

    *huggles*

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  10. Thank you, everyone. I want to address Anonymous #4's question which is, I think, legitimate: why can't my partner get a vasectomy?

    He can, of course, and we've considered that. But my doctor recommended that I be sterilized since I am the one at risk and life situations can change (my partner could die or leave me; I could be raped).

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  11. This is the first time you have come onto my radar, Tweenky D, and I am sad for the weight of your life. Taking time for you is the best you can do, so just do what you must to regain your strength. I went to my first "I Support Planned Parenthood" luncheon in the Phoenix (with 900+ other supporters)this week. It is time for me to re-enter the fight for women's rights...silly me, I though I was done in the 70s! So I will...for my daughter, and for all the world's daughters. It is my way of sending and showing love to you all!!

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