Thursday, March 15, 2012

Where Is Tweenky Dee?

This latest round of attacks on women have been very disheartening. Many of you may have been wondering, "Where is Tweenky Dee? Where are all the videos? The blogs? Where's all that work we've come to expect?" 

I'm still here, of course, but I have nothing to give you right now. The fight has asked more of me than I can give and I need time to recover. You see, I'm a woman too - a woman of childbearing age who has some very high stakes in these battles and I'm losing. Let me explain.

Because of the terrible disease that killed our son in the womb and almost killed me too, I absolutely cannot risk another pregnancy. Doctor's orders - not even one more attempt or I will die. We take responsibility for this by practicing two forms of birth control (the pill and condoms) until I can have the surgery to be sterilized. If the unthinkable should happen and, against all odds, I get pregnant again, then I will be forced to either have an abortion or die.

Now I have men and women in our legislatures demonizing me for the responsible use of birth control and doing everything they can to make sure I can't choose abortion in the worst case scenario. I'm a slut because I don't want to die. I'm a slut who deserves shame and disgrace if I think flushing a fertilized egg out of my system so that I can live is a good idea.

I hear them saying to me, "You're worthless. You deserve to die. You can't make any babies so you might as well be dead."

So here I am being doubly responsible with my birth control, yet if by some miracle I get pregnant, the state thinks I should have to have a transvaginal ultrasound before being denied an abortion to save my life. How do they think I'm going to feel, laid up on that table, feet in cold stirrups, a long wand shoved deep inside me and only so I can see the "heartbeat" and form of the embryo that is going to kill me. Because I'd love nothing more than to see another dead child. Losing the first one was so much fun, I just can't wait to do it again.

That's why I can't fight right now. That's why I'm having to take some time for myself. Because I'm a real woman who hurts. I'm a real woman who is afraid. I'm a real woman who is angry. I'm a mother who has lost her son and now all she hears is, "Try it again, slut. We'll get you next time."

Is this what "compassionate conservatism" looks like? Because if it is, you can shove it up your ass.