Love the Body You Have!

I want to share this with everyone.

It is from the couple that owns this business and we wish them the best of luck in their endeavors. Yes we are also writing for their blog but that should not overshadow the message from Jennifer:

"Yes, it's true. We've chosen the motto, "Love the body you have!" If you're like me, you keep waiting for the right diet, best exercise, latest pill or whatever to get that perfect body. But while we are waiting for perfection, we are punishing the body we do have.

I have learned to appreciate my body over the past 3 years since it carried me to death's door and back. I'll never be a single digit size again but that doesn't mean I can't look good and feel good about myself. You can too! So I laid down the law: either we include plus sizes or the deal's off!

In the coming months, we plan to work very hard to add as much content as we can - especially plus size clothing. Don't punish yourself for not being perfect. Love the body you have!" - Jennifer Rhodes

Love the body you have!

msripleyshiddentreasures.com

Do We Owe Someone an Apology?

If you're looking for a post that's going to take sides in the sexual harassment/rape scandals in the atheist community, you've come to the wrong place. I am in no position to tell you that any person is guilty or innocent of anything because I've had nothing to do with these situations and I've not experienced anything personally. I'm not a lawyer, an accuser, or a victim. I'm looking at this from a sort of outsider perspective and I just want to share some thoughts. So again, if you're looking for someone to take your side in the drama (whatever that side is), you won't find it here.

First, I want to say that if you've been accusing everyone who doesn't fully agree with you of "not being a real skeptic" or "not thinking critically" then please stop. This is a gross insult to many in the skeptic community. Most of us can and do think for ourselves. The fact that we refuse to jump on every popular bandwagon (including yours) should tell you that we aren't just "sheeple." You are not the sole arbiter of truth and we aren't convinced that your opinion is right just because you believe it is. We don't want authority figures to tell us what to believe - we are thinkers who are going to figure this out ourselves. It may take us more time to come to a conclusion than you did (some of us have to spend extra time reading, observing, researching, and sorting this stuff out), but that doesn't make us stupid. It means we are careful.

Second, I've been thinking about how we deal with these outcries. When people accuse Catholic priests and other pastors of rape or sexual assault, we don't typically demand a lot of evidence. We don't wait for these cases to go to court or for a jury to convict. We usually shrug, say "Who's surprised?" and show sympathy for the (alleged) victims. We demand that the churches stop moving around the perps and covering up the scandals. We seem to be pretty comfortable with the idea that a priest accused is a guilty priest indeed.

When you turn the tables and put the same scenarios in the atheist community, we act differently. Many desire "evidence" of the accusations, demand a trial before we can decide, and come up with all manner of reasons why the harassment/assault/rape probably didn't happen since the accuser didn't report it, or is anonymous, or whatever. We seem to be pretty comfortable with the idea that our own leaders are innocent unless there's enough evidence for a jury to convict.

It seems to me that we have a severe disconnect in how we handle these cases. Do we owe all those priests and pastors an apology for deciding they are pedophiles without a trial or "proper" evidence (not even a victim's name)? Or do we owe the apologies to those in the atheist community who have reported harassment and rape and were met with scorn and ridicule?

I'm sure there is a middle ground that I haven't covered. That's what I'd like to explore here in a calm, civil manner. Are we falling victim to our own prejudices or is there some substantial difference in these cases that I'm failing to see? 

*I'm not much for monitoring comments but, if someone tries to derail the thread or attack other people, then you can expect those comments to be dealt with. Stay on topic and please be civil while you are a guest in my blog house.

Why I'm An Out Feminist Male in Australia

 I haven't always been an advocate for gender equality. During my days as a fundamentalist Christian, I had a definitive notion about what I deemed to be appropriate gender roles. I dismissed many acts as sinful and had some chauvinistic ideals in regards to a number of other items. Even in the incipient stages of my atheism I possessed an apathy about a plethora of social and humanistic concerns.

 Only in the last year and a half have I acquired a a strong humanistic and secular mindset. Exposure to podcasts and news stories elucidated to me controversial issues concerning feminist's and women's issues and remoulded my attitude from one of  nonchalance to a strong concern for equality for all.

While issues such as abortion and access to contraception aren't such an exigency in Australia, gender inequality still manifests itself in most salient ways in this country (such as the disparity of wages between the sexes). According to ABS statistics, women on average still earn only 83 cents to the dollar earned by their male counterparts. Examples such as these illuminate the fact the gender gap needs to be closed here. While many female advocates voice their opinion in this subject, the dissenting voices of males remain conspicuous by their absence. We need to focus on controversies like this to have a truly egalitarian state in Australia where all people enjoy parity. We must strive harder to eliminate the vestiges of an archaic patriarchal mindset.

While abortion and access to contraception may not be of a poignant nature in Australia, we shouldn't insulate ourselves, remain oblivious, not show concern and express our disdain of problems facing females in other countries. These issues have been prevalent in places such as the United States and Ireland (the unnecessary and tragic death of Savita in Ireland a few months ago due to not being given an abortion when it was quite evident carry to birth to term would cause complications to mother and fetus). Despite medical intervention being needed  to prevent the death from occurring, negligence was displayed due to not being legal to perform the necessary operation, which resulted in the death of the mother.

Also there are numerous examples of politicians defunding organizations such as Planned Parenthood and ratifying laws making it virtually impossible in some areas to enjoy access to birth control, contraception and abortion. The lunacy of some politicians is befuddling - they defund Planned Parenthood, restrict access to birth control, then complain there are too many abortions and unwanted pregnancies. The stupidity of some politicians is incredulous. I'm sure if they farted their brains would fall out. These oppressive laws stem mostly form religious ideology,  an ethos that remains the most stultifying and stymieing obscenity to a true state of secularism and equality.

Attitudes to rape remain eerily problematic too. Victim blaming resonates all too much in this day and age as well:. Implications such as its somehow the physically weaker victims fault that when a strong perpetrator violates her. In many circumstances the victim is too afraid to come forward for fear of being stigmatized, is reluctant to go though a grueling legal process or thinks too many people will conspire to conceal the matter. Insinuations that the victim was being "too provocative" or "asking for it." Never addressing the real cause - the neanderthal who couldn't keep his libido in check.

Honor killings and immoral sentencing in many parts of the world are associated with the aforementioned attitude. If a woman is violated, it is her fault and gets either sentenced by the law or executed by her insane family for bringing shame upon them in a shambolic attempt to restore honor to the barbaric murderer's family name. Similar abhorrent attitudes have been echoed by certain Republic politicians and evangelical Christians. Egregious remarks such women possess a biological mechanism to prevent pregnancy caused by rape or if impregnated its somehow a gift from God

Since when are old men with two inch penises and misogynistic attributes qualified to adjudicate or comment on the bodily rights of women. Then again, its no surprise that attitudes like this exist because they are derived from scripture - a book in which no instance occurs where a woman's consent is ever required or requested. Just look at Deuteronomy 22:28 -29 where, if a woman is violated, the rapist just has to pay the victims father 50 shekels and must marry her. No consideration is given to to obvious psychological trauma this would cause the female in question. Attitudes and occurrences like these need addressing. Retaining antiquated attitudes like this need to be eradicated for the betterment of human kind and for progress to a better world. There are many more topics I could address but space prevents that.

For now I will continue to crusade against misogyny and sexism.

The Shamed Slut Diaries

If you are interested in my 28 day contraception blog, please visit The Shamed Slut Diaries. It's a sarcastic yet somewhat serious documentary about the monthly cycle, contraception, and other family issues written as a testimony to the state legislators and governor who think it's their business to regulate my ladyparts.

Sharing my Personal Experience of a Rape

Inspired by a recent podcast featuring Sean Faircloth from the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science. Here is another personal story about a subject that has been taken lightly in the atheist community recently. This is a subject not to ever be taken lightly and it affects more people than you will ever know about. It is a deep emotional scar that most victims keep quiet and to themselves, but that in no way gives anyone the right to make fun or light of rape.

Another person in my life that has been subjected to rape: something I will never forget nor will I forget the look of helplessness, shame, and shock in her eyes.

A woman that I had been dating brought up in conversation the idea of auto-erotic asphyxiation and she wanted to try after setting some ground rules and safe guards.

When it came down to it and actually putting my hands upon her neck, I immediately withdrew. I told her I couldn't do it no matter how safe we thought we were being. It just didn't feel right and made my stomach turn at that moment.

She broke up with me shortly after stating various reasons, one of which was I "was to soft with her and weak." I had no regrets and could walk away with those words no matter how they cut me.

It was the following weekend on a Sunday when I got a call from her brother asking me, "What the hell did you do to her?" I was at a loss and hadn't seen her in 3-4 days. I had no answer that would calm him down but he told me she was in the hospital.

I made it to her room with her brother standing guard. After a slight shoving match in the hall, he finally heard my words, "I hadn't seen her since Monday." It finally sunk in and he let me pass to enter her room.

Inside she was lying there with tears just rolling down her cheeks. She told me she was sorry for calling me weak and now understood my reluctance. After a few minutes she told this horrifying story of what had happened to her.

She and a few girlfriends went out on the town dancing Saturday and she hooked up with a guy. They went to her place where she "talked him into auto-erotic sex" act using a belt around her neck. She thought it was safe but she blacked out before she could say the "safe word" or yell "stop."

She woke up barely remembering what had happened. When she saw the bruises, she immediately went to the hospital. The belt had bruised her neck so badly it looked like a black, blue, and red 3 inch skin tight necklace. She suffered deep contusions right below each ear where her jugulars were. This explained why she blacked out - the belt had acted like a wrestler's sleeper hold.

That was not the worst of it. She had provided condoms at her place. From the medical examination, the doctors had determined from the evidence of fluids and tearing that she had unprotected sex both vaginally and anally. But she didn't remember him being inside her at all - she had passed out and he had his way with her. He probably thought she passed out from the drinks earlier but still that gave him no right to do what he did.

On the Tuesday following, 3 police officers entered my department at work. At first I was confused. As they approached my work area, I grew even more concerned. They walked right past me and stopped 4 stations down. I later found out from one of the guys in that station that he was just bragging about having "erotic sex with this babe" who "wanted him to choke her".

He was charged with rape, unlawful restraint, and reckless endangerment. He pleaded out to rape and confessed. He said that they had consented to sex and the sex act to be performed. He reluctantly agreed to wear the condom. She confirmed that much of the story in her report.

But once she had passed out, he said he "took the condom off and had sex with her any way." "He couldn't feel anything with those things," he said. He said he was "sorry" and "thought she just passed out drunk." He said afterwards he just left and went home, leaving her with the belt still around her neck. Had that belt been a little tighter she might have gotten brain damage or not woken up at all.

There are many lessons above, most of which I never wanted her or anyone else to learn or experience, but hopefully everyone can learn from them.

Faces of Rape - Part 2

Continued from yesterday. Please remember that this content is sexual and graphic.

It was 2 A.M. on a week night and I was somewhere I should not have been.  Even though I had work the next day, I had chosen to go with my in-laws to the casino. We were much later coming back home than we had planned and I was dozing off. Little did I know, something was about to happen that would open up doors I had long kept locked.

We were cruising down the road when suddenly there was a flash of white on the side of the road. My father-in-law said, "Was that a woman?" We backed up and, sure enough, it was a disheveled woman staggering along the road as if in a stupor. He asked her if she needed help and she said, "Yes, help me."

We got her into the van and I helped her to the seat beside me. I already knew what had happened. I knew that look in her eye. She was shaking and crying. She gripped my hand so hard that I thought she would break it. She simply said, "Why did this happen to me?"

Through tear-stained eyes and frantic gulps, she told her story. She had been at a different casino just enjoying a night out. On her way to the car, a man grabbed her and forced her into his vehicle. He drove her out to a dark, secluded spot by the river where he repeatedly raped and sodomized her. Then he left her there to suffer alone, not knowing where she was or how to find civilization again.

It seemed to take forever for her to tell this story. I could tell she was in pain but, as time went by, I felt she was slipping into shock. I urged her to keep talking. She couldn't believe it had really happened. She kept repeating, "Why did this happen? I'm a grandmother!"

Yes, this wasn't another scantily-clad slut. This was somebody's grandmother. Lots of older people bus in to go the casinos. Probably none of them thinks that they will be abducted, raped, and sodomized.

We made it to a gas station and I called 911. I stayed with her against the wishes of my family who apparently just wanted to leave her there at the deserted station to wait for an ambulance. She kept trying to go to the bathroom saying, "I've got to wash my hands. I've got to pee." I knew she wanted nothing more than to scrub off the feel and the scent of the rapist. I didn't let her go. I told her she had to stay strong a bit longer so they could find the bastard who did this. The bastard who thinks it's fun to anally rape someone's grandmother...

The last time I saw her, she was in the ambulance. I never knew her name. I never knew what happened to her. But her situation unsealed the memories of my own attack that I'd kept hidden for so long. For the next ten years, I would relive some of my own assault through flashbacks and dreams until I finally got some much-needed therapy.

Rape isn't something that happens just to sluts who you think are asking for it. I happens to little kids. It happens to grandmothers. It happens to women of every age, race, religion, color, and creed. It is a disease of humanity, born of our animal natures and sustained by religions and cultures that treat people as territory to be conquered or property that can be bought and sold.

How is a rape victim supposed to carry the product of that rape against her will? How does one cheerfully put on a smile while her rapist's seed is growing inside her - every bout of morning sickness, reminding her of how she vomited when he sodomized her; every night of heartburn reminding her of the tightness in her chest when he was on top of her pushing so hard; every kick the fetus makes reminding her of his hands digging into her skin as he hurt her over and over again. How is that a blessing? How does that heal a victim who doesn't want to relive her rape? It doesn't. It simply re-traumatizes her.

But, you say, "It's not the baby's fault how it was conceived. It's innocent." Again, this is not a game of "Saints and Sinners" for you to play at your leisure. This is about the brutality of real rapes in the real world. This is about someone's daughter getting attacked at church. This is about someone's grandmother being raped and sodomized by a stranger. This is about women you know and love who have never told you their story. 

You may be absolutely convinced that if you were raped, you'd want to keep the baby. That's fine - more power to you. But for you to make that decision for other women, to force your preference upon them by taking away their sexual choice yet again, is to become part of the religions and cultures that view women as chattel to be controlled rather than people whose choices must be honored. For if society says that it is fine to make sexual choices for women, then it follows that it is fine for men to individually make sexual choices for women also. Such a thing cannot be tolerated in a free, egalitarian society.

Faces of Rape - Part 1

The following post is sexual in nature and rather graphic. I was personally involved in both events and am relating them to you as best as I can recall. I am doing this to put some real faces to the term "rape victim" which is tossed around in our culture without full regard to the people it represents. If you are sensitive about this subject, consider yourself warned.

She was 8 or 9 years old, the age of ponytails, dog-ears, and braids. She had rainbow-striped suspenders and some off-brand jeans because the real stuff like Lee or Wrangler was too expensive for her parents to afford. She had come to this little church with her pastor, his wife, and the youth group for a kids' program. It was fun to get out once a month and see the other churches.

The program was over and refreshments had been served in the kitchen. After enjoying the Kool-Aid and cookies, she went outside to play with the other kids. Hide-and-seek was her favorite game; she had been born knowing how to hide. But tonight's game was chase. A bunch of older kids were chasing the younger ones around outside, laughing and having lots of fun. She joined the group and began playing along, hoping that the adults would stay inside and talk for a long time.

The older kids gave them a slight head start and the little kids were off again, running in formation to keep away from their pursuers. As the line of children turned right, she veered left, down the hill, and into a small clearing. No one would notice, she thought, and she would easily get away.

But as she ran down the dirt slope, she realized that two boys had broken off in pursuit. As the other kids ran faster and disappeared over the hill, she slipped on something and fell flat on her back. Before she could get up, both boys were on top of her. One grabbed her from behind and forced her arms above her head. The other was at her feet trying to hold them as she kicked at him fiercely. It was still a game to her. She didn't understand.

The boy at her back pinned her arms back and started pulling her shirt up. She was embarrassed and alarmed - this wasn't part of the game! Her mother had always told her that certain parts were dirty and should never be shown. Now this boy was pulling up her shirt so that he and the other kid could see her small body. This was horrifying! She struggled and fought against that hand, trying desperately to bite or do anything that would prevent him from exposing her still undeveloped breasts. But her struggles ceased when the other boy rammed his knee into her abdomen, causing her to gasp for breath and making her wet her pants. She had never been so ashamed in her whole life - lying there in the dirt with one boy touching her and the other one unfastening her jeans. She didn't understand what it meant but she knew it was wrong. She knew her mom and dad were going to be furious. All she felt was shame and pain.

At that point, she saw the full moon in the sky and let her mind drift up to it. She no longer felt anything they did to her. She didn't know - didn't need to know - what was happening to her body. Some time later, she came to her senses and was lying alone and exposed on the ground behind the church. Nobody saw her. Nobody came to help.

She didn't say a word to anyone about what had happened. She went home that night and, claiming she was tired, went straight to the bath. She didn't put her dirty clothes in the hamper. She hid them until her parents went to bed. About midnight that night, she stuffed the dirty clothes in the bottom of the washer and hid her soiled panties at the bottom of a full trash bag. No one would ever see her shame. No one would ever know. She did not have the words to describe what had happened to her. She did not know what to call it. All she knew is that mom and dad could never find out. No one must ever know.

A lot of people think that nothing like this could ever happen to them or their children. They think assault and rape only happen to scantily-clad sluts who are asking for it. They are wrong. I was born into a good, Christian family. I went to a good church. I was a good kid. Yet this happened to me. I am that girl and I was sexually assaulted.

Fortunately, I was too young to get pregnant or to even understand that there might have been a risk. Fortunately, I didn't have to worry about whether I could get emergency contraception or an abortion if I needed one. But there are real women out there who do have to worry about it. To take away a victim's choice is indeed to rape her of her rights all over again. If you haven't been violated like that, then you don't understand no matter how much you might think you do. You don't get it. 

Rape is not about deciding who's the saint and who's the sinner. It's not something for you to sanctimoniously play around with while declaring that the victim needs to just smile and bear her rapist's child. It is a violent crime perpetrated against the young and the old, the thin and the overweight, the beautiful and the plain, men and women, people everywhere. It's a crime against humanity - not a talking point to sell modesty or virtue. Most of all, it is not a platform for you to build your forced birth case upon. 

Rape begins with an idea - the notion that a woman has no sexual freedom and can be forced to perform as one wishes. In that regard, the physical act of rape differs from the forced birth policy in a manner of degree, not kind.

(to be continued...)